


Audition

by SilverMidnight



Series: Deeks/Callen [20]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Adorable, Angst, Anxiety, Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24365146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: Wes needs a little help figuring out what he's feeling as he waits to find out if he got the callback for his first play.
Relationships: G Callen/Marty Deeks
Series: Deeks/Callen [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/800163
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Audition

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this turned into a bit of a hot mess. I was aiming for something completely different, but the words just wouldn't come. I'm not upset with what I wrote at all so it's all good and I still have plans for the idea that this was supposed to be. Let's hope I can finally write that at some point in time. In the mean time I hope you enjoy this!

Shutting the door to the house Wes let out a sigh and leaned his back against the wood. His head was pounding angrily and he felt completely exhausted. It was almost as if he hadn't gotten any sleep in the last few days. Something that he was actually familiar with. He could last three days before he went insane.

That was not the point. He had gotten fairly prideful of the fact that he didn't lose his mind or temper over things. He was calm and… Alright, so he was describe as disgustingly sunshine-y and way too energetic to be real. That's who he was though. Everyone knew that.

Except for at that very moment. For the first time in his entire life all he wanted to do was lay under his covers and ignore the world. Well, maybe he felt like that every morning when he was being forced to wake up, but he wasn't going to count that.

When he had decided to audition for the school play he had been over the moon. For months he had felt like he was walking on clouds. The idea of finally doing the thing he wanted all of his life was one of the best things on the planet.

What he hadn't realized was how much it was going to take out of him. He should have listened to his Dad about not building it up as much as he did. He couldn't help himself though. He had been thinking about it basically nonstop for the last three years.

Now it was about two months into his senior year and he finally was doing the thing that he wanted. Which made it sound like he couldn't have done it before. Something that wasn't true. No one was telling him that he couldn't try to be in the play if he wanted before then.

That choice had been his and his alone. Ever since he learned what an actor was that had been what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. The idea of bringing stories to life was everything to him. All he had to do was wait for his chance.

Except he knew better. There were a lot of things that his parents tried to teach him throughout his life and one of them was the fact that things could be taken away very easily. Like his Dad losing is hearing.

From all the stories that he had heard over the years his Dad had been an amazing undercover detective. They never really went into details about the things that happened on cases, but from what he knew the man had worked really hard and saved a lot of people.

So it was possible that it hadn't been what he wanted to do when he was a kid, but that was a whole different story. His Dad was very close lipped about his childhood. Outside of the fact his parents were very not good he didn't talk about it at all.

He had pointed out that though he hadn't realized it was what he wanted to do once he was doing it there was nothing else for him. Despite the fact that it had been years since he last been on a case Wes knew that he still missed it.

That all had been taken from him in a horrible way. It had been rather lucky that he had studied law before that. If he hadn't… Wes wouldn't say that the older man had been sad when he was a kid, but after he started working at the law firm he seemed to come alive.

He had come to love the way his Dad smiled more and went out in the world. It wasn't nearly as likely for something like that to happen to him, but he knew that the chance was still there. Because of that he had told himself to look for something else that he loved just in case.

It sort of turned out well. He had learned very quickly that while he did love eating he really, truly hated cooking. It had only taken a week in that class before he was in the office begging to change. Luckily he was able to get into sewing and he loved that. Making clothes was fun.

There had only been one other thing that had even come close that he still kept up with. That was the violin. There was just something about the music that he loved. It was so soothing. Even when his mind was racing almost painfully he could find peace in playing whatever he pleased.

Outside of that everything else was just kind of there. Art class, journalism, computer programming, choir. Alright, not choir. Never choir. If he ever took another choir class than he would scream. He never hated anything as much as he hated choir. It almost made him hate singing altogether.

Luckily he didn't have have to sing for the play he had auditioned for. Although at the moment he wasn't sure that things could have gone worse if he had been forced to sing. At least in his mind it couldn't have. In truth he had no idea how it went and he wouldn't for another three days.

Normally he loved three day weekends. It meant spending every single morning with Dad out on the ocean at the crack of dawn. He might prefer night to day, but those mornings were some of his favorites. Now he wasn't sure he was going to enjoy it this time around.

"I thought I heard some teen angst," Papa said walking into the living room wiping his hands on a towel, "Something happen, kiddo?"

"It was audition day," Wes replied dragging himself to the couch and falling face first on to it.

"I know. You've been talking about it since school last year. I thought you were excited."

"Was. Now I have to wait. For three days. Three days of waiting. Waiting. Three days. What am I supposed to do for three days?"

"How about cleaning your bedroom? You know like you said you would. Last month."

"Logic, Papa? At a time like this? It's like you don't even know me."

Hearing a snort echo from beside him Wes turned his head so he was looking at the older man. He had dropped down so he was kneeling next to him an amused smile playing on his lips. Under any other circumstance the sight would have brought a smile to his own face, but not this time.

"You really are nervous, aren't you?" Papa asked running a hand through his hair.

"If I don't get this part…" Wes tried to start before shaking his head and rolling onto his back, "I have never wanted something as badly as I want this. What if I'm just not good though?"

"Wesley."

"I'm serious! My whole life, Papa. I have been dreaming about this my whole life. I've put on plays in my bedroom for stuffed animals since I knew how to do that. If I actually am just horrible than what have I been doing this whole time?"

"Wesley."

"I know. It's all about practice and skill, but it's also a lot of luck. It might not matter if I was good if they just happened to like someone else more than me."

The conversation seemed to stop there. Wes knew that he was going with his feelings more than anything else, but at the moment he didn't want to listen to logic or anything like that. He wanted to feel lost.

It didn't make much sense even to himself, but he could remember his Dad explaining that sometimes you just had to let yourself feel things. You couldn't push them aside or move onto something else. You had to feel.

At least that's how he explained his bad days. They didn't happen all that often anymore, but when they did he faced them. And, okay, facing them might include staying in bed all day. That's just how he felt he needed to do it though.

Wes had always thought it Dad was amazing for doing that. At least for being so open about his emotions. He had learned from the rest of his family that it wasn't easy to let yourself give into your emotions like that. That was the reason he refused to hide or be ashamed of who he was. In his eyes it took more strength to be open than it did to hide.

That didn't mean he had to go in alone. He watched almost unseeingly as Papa placed a kiss to his forehead before standing up and offering him his hand. It took a moment for him to realize that he wanted him to take it, but as soon as he did the older man was pulling him to his feet.

"Hey," Papa soothed wrapping him in a tight hug, "You're okay."

"This is all I want," he replied pulling back so he was staring at the man, "I… What am I supposed to do?"

A soft look was on Papa's face as he pulled him close once more. Resting his head on his shoulder Wes closed his eyes letting himself take a few deep breaths to try to relax. He was going to push himself too far if he didn't do that soon.

"Dad had to stay late at work," Papa offered pulling away, "Go put down your bag and grab us some water. We can walk down there and grab something for dinner along the way."

"I-" Wes started before slumping in on himself a little, "Alright."

In the back of his mind he knew that the man was trying to distract him and, while he did appreciate it, he knew there wasn't really a point. If there was something that was actually bothering him than that was going to be on his mind no matter what.

Still, he always did love going on walks. He had gotten sick so easily when he was younger that for the most part he couldn't really move around all that much. The only thing he could really do was go on walks with someone.

Luckily, he didn't get sick nearly as often as he used to. Which meant that he got to walk a lot more often and since he was older he could go out on his own. Although he didn't get to do it as much as he wished he did.

Walking had always been more of an escape than anything else. Whenever he started to walk his mind ended up taking over for him. He got so lost in his thoughts that everything fell away that he could have ended up actually lost.

Alright, so that had happened before. Once. Maybe twice. Alright! Almost every single time that he went on walks he got lost and had to get his phone out so he could find out where he was. In other news, his phone never ran out of battery.

He just got so lost in the world that he created that the rest of the real world fell away. Nothing else mattered to him when he was thinking about whatever he pleased. Being able to do that was one of the most freeing things that he ever got to do.

"Wesley?" Papa called out resting a hand on his shoulder, "You there?"

"Yeah," he replied with a shake of his head, "Sorry. I was thinking."

"That is not surprising at all, kiddo. Grab the water. I want to talk to you about something as we walk."

Nodding his head he went into the kitchen and grabbed the water only for the older mans words to hit him. It wasn't very often that Papa told him that they needed to talk. He was more the type of person that just started to talk about whatever was on his mind.

"What exactly do you want to talk about?" Wes questioned peaking his head around the corner into the living room.

"You are the most dramatic person on the planet, Wesley," Papa shot back cocking an eyebrow, "Do you really think I'm going to give you bad news in front of people?"

"You might have a point there. Okay. Fine. I'm ready."

Following Papa out of the house he slipped on his sunglasses already feeling slightly better than he did before. It would only take them about forty-five minutes to get to the firm and they'd hit at least four different places to eat along the way. They really did pick a good place to live in comparison to everywhere they needed to go.

"Have I ever told you I almost lost my job early on in my career?" Papa asked as they turned the corner.

"You what?!" Wes exclaimed coming to a stop and spinning around.

"Yup. A few months after I got my first job. The mistake was big enough that it would have made it so I would never be in law enforcement again."

"What happened?"

A soft chuckle slipped from him as he just kept walking. Throwing his hands up Wes rushed to his side and stared at him with wide eyes waiting for him to continue his story. He couldn't just leave the story hanging like that.

And there was a story there. He just couldn't believe that the man would do something to ruin his chance of being a cop. He had said more than once that all he had ever wanted to do was be a cop. He had loved it as much as Wes loved acting.

It had actually been a thing growing up. Papa hadn't really been around a lot when he was a kid. Something that wasn't all that shocking. He had worked undercover. Of course he couldn't be there all the time.

Thinking back on it now he was glad that he had been so young. It meant that he couldn't really remember how he felt not having him around. He really just remembered all the times that he had been there. It was always a nice feeling having him there.

He knew that it was different for Dad and Izzy though. They had been the ones that felt his absence the most. He, on the other hand, had felt their pain. Every time Papa walked out the door it had been like the happiness was sucked out of the house for at least a little while.

"Yeah," Papa answered stuffing his hands in his pockets, "I almost lost everything in one day."

"How?" Wes asked confused.

"I was stupid. I let my ego talk instead of thinking. I wasn't an agent or anything even close to it. I was a rookie that should have listened to the people around me and learned from them. I figured I had to know what I was doing if I had the job already. I thought I was smarter. If I had been out on the field alone than a lot of people would have died. Including me."

"That doesn't sound like you."

"Not now, but I didn't know better yet. I was young and stupid at one point in time. If you ask your Uncle Sam he'd probably say I still am. That's not the point of this though."

"What is?"

"That failing one time doesn't mean failing completely. Wesley, you love acting. Not getting this part won't change that."

"Doesn't it?"

A sigh fell from Papa's lips as he stopped walking to turn to stare at him with that disappointed look on his face. Looking at the ground Wes swallowed roughly hating how horrible he felt in that moment. He never wanted for either of his parents to feel as if he had failed.

The worst part was that it wasn't him failing them. It was him failing himself and them having more faith in him than he had in himself. It was one of the worst feelings on the planet. There was no one to blame other than himself too.

"It feels like I can't do anything," Wes sighed wrapping his arm around his waist, "I know it's stupid and that-"

"It's not stupid, Wesley," Papa cut in placing his hands on his shoulders, "You're not stupid."

"It feels like it. I know in my mind that it's just one audition and that not getting it isn't the end of the world and that it doesn't mean I can't try again, but it doesn't feel like that. It feels like my whole world is hanging in the balance."

"It always feels like that the first few times something you want doesn't go your way."

"What am I supposed to do? Ignore the feeling and work passed it hoping that the next time is going to be better?"

Seeing the amused smirk come to the older mans face Wes couldn't help but shake his head. His Papa was way too good at getting him to admit to something that he already knew even when he didn't want to admit it. It was very annoying.

"Okay," Wes offered with a roll of his eyes, "We'll go with the logical way this time, but one of these days the emotional way will be the winner and then we'll see where we are."

"Hiding under a blanket?" Papa questioned wrapping an arm around his shoulder as they started to walk again.

"Blankets are our first like of defense. Them and pillow forts."


End file.
